Category: minutiae

I thought of a neat little device for a cell phone. I call it the “People Scanner”. It works like this: it will be a built in device that will detect if there is more than one person around the cell phone. And in the event that the reading comes out positive, the phone will not ring for an incoming call, but instead direct the caller immediately to a voicemail.

I think this device would be really great. I also think I’m really great for coming up with it.

Cell phones have become a problem. It wasn’t so bad during the Zack Morris day of those large gray dumbbell-size phones. Back then, air charges were like 20$ a minute so your were limited to just using it for an emergency. But now, minutes are practically free, they number in the thousands, and they rollover and play dead, and do all sorts of stupid little tricks.

But we can’t just get rid of the phones. Nope. That would be impossible. Ever try to forcibly take back a toy you gave to a little toddler? It’s not a pretty site.

So cell phones can’t be removed, per se; we have to stick to other options. This may be one of those times when we have to just fight technology with technology. The Russians got a bow and arrow, someone please roll out that cannon. They upgrade to the Gattling gun, our engineers come out with air-to-ground laser guided missiles. They counter with the nuclear warhead, we tap our brightest researchers to come out with some good ol’ Ebola and some Super-Tiny Pox.

So for the Cell-phone problem, we may need to fight it with technology. But don’t turn those keys just yet, there may be a less nuclear solution. If the People Scanners are impractical, what about stationary jamming signals set up in those tight public spots were the true misanthropes of society lurk and bring their insipid conversations. The train-cars, the busses, the waiting rooms, the grocery stores, the classrooms, the ballgames, the MOVIE THEATERS, the outside, the inside, everywhere! should have installed Jamming signals, or EMP pulses– so what if your heart defibrillator stops working, at least you’ll die NOT knowing where the idiot next to you is meeting his friends for dinner.

I have been set with the task of writing a review on the University Chorus and Concert Choir’s performance on April 30, 2005 of Gabriel Faure’s Requiem. Let me first start off candidly and admit that my concert-viewing experience is quite limited–especially with chorus concerts. The only recent memories I have of seeing someone physically singing are sorrowfully limited to the dreadful impromptu talent in Fox’s American Idol, the obligatory ballgame anthems, and of course, the garish perennial SuperBowl halftime shows. So although I may not have the requisite expertise and experience to make what would be considered a thorough and informed review of Saturday’s URI chorus concert, I will give it an honest effort and commit this task to the best of my ability.

Let me first start of by making note of the key figures of Saturday’s concert. I have already mentioned the two chorus groups: the Univerity Chorus and the Concert Choir. The directing of the night’s performance was shared by Carolina Flores and Mark Conley, and the man-on-the-piano (for lack of a better term), was Eric Mazonson. All of whom, performed quite aptly—at least I think so. Let me put it this way, if there were any mistakes, they were expertly inconspicuous.

The chorus also performed quite well and I was very much impressed at the talent. I would like to share a small comment on the piece sung by the Univerity Chorus called “Now from the World (The light of God is Gone)”. This piece had a musical accompaniment with Michelle Gorgone playing the clarinet. Although Michelle did an excellent job with her part, I felt the piece as a whole sounded a little awkward with the clarinet. The unsteady dynamics of the clarinet (which I assume were unintentional) made the steady vocals drift in-and-out of hearing.

The mood set by the concert was—to say the least—melancholy. I understood very little of the lyrics when they were being sung by the chorus, but the melodies from each of the songs were mellifluous and pleasant to the ear. The final piece, Requiem Op.48 was also quite enjoyable to listen to. And you’ll have to excuse my more summary-like analysis of this concert. The different pieces seemed to mix together so fluidly, and the tones all sounded so similar, that it is a little hard to focus on individual pieces so much as the concert as a whole.

So on that note, let me just say that in summary, I quite enjoyed my experience in attendance at the URI Chorus Concert of Faure’s Requiem. I found the whole thing to be quite a successful display of vocal talent, and from my observations of the other spectators watching the concert—they seemed to enjoy it as well. Well done!

I went to Subway for lunch today with Kathy, one of my work mates. After waiting in the line for our turn to order, Kathy was up.

“Ummm.. I’ll have a Veggie sub on Italian bread”.

I quickly seized the opportunity to make fun of her for it. “Kathy, that’s not a sandwich; that’s a salad on bread.” When it was my turn, I ordered an Italian BMT, the meatier the better. I have no reservations against eating meat. In fact, if I can swing it, I’ll have it breakfast, lunch, dinner, in-between meals, inside my Powerbar, puréed into my water (just kidding). But you get the picture, I like meat.

Well, there is nothing peculiar with Kathy’s abstention from meat. Albeit, it suddenly dawned on me while sitting at the booth mauling my BMT that Kathy’s newfound vegetarianism is just that, “newly” founded. I could of swore that a few months prior, she had participated with me in seeing how disgusting Subway’s “Barbequed Pork” sandwich really was. In fact, I remember being confused cause she actually liked the darn thing. Anyway, this brought up a rather interesting and lengthy conversation I had with her on her newfound vegetarianism.

I attempted to get some answers, “So, are you doing this for health reasons, or do you just have moral reservations against harming animals for consumption?” She answers, “neither… it’s actually a long story”. The plot thickens. “Okay, so you just don’t like the taste of meat?”. “No, it’s not that”. Now she had me completely confused. “Well, there has to be some reason..”. “It’s a little complicated” she retorted. She wasn’t making this easy.

“Okay Kathy, there has to be some way you can sum this up in one sentence”. She tries. “I don’t think humans are meant to eat meat.”

Kathy’s conviction: human’s are just not supposed to eat meat– we are physiologically engineered as herbivores. She further backs up this claim by a study she read that had produced results supporting the notion that a diet with meat in it, leads to a higher risk of developing various ailments: cancer, heart disease, etc. A strictly vegetarian diet is allegedly healthier and in a way, is it’s own preventive measure against illness later-on in life. Also, our long intestines are typical of herbivores, since the complex nutritional elements in plant-life take longer to break down. And the opposite is true with carnivores; They have smaller intestines in order to process meat quicker, purging it from the system before it becomes deleterious.

Our conversation was overheard by a woman sitting behind us, who, before leaving the restaurant, put her five-cents into the discussion. “I don’t mean to interrupt, or eavesdrop into your conversation, but how does this explain canines”. We were taken aback by this stranger accosting our conversation, so my immediate reaction was to smile and say “good point”.

But, it’s an interesting question. Are we really supposed to eat meat, as a species? We’re also the only carnivores who go through the trouble of preparing our meats– cooking them. Maybe there is some merit to Kathy’s argument. Who knows? I just thought it was an interesting point-of-view. One I’ve never heard before.

Sometimes when I’m bored at church, I start perusing the only book I have available at the time, the Bible. But at these moments of boredom in church, I am not looking for spiritual insight, or a revelation of some kind; I am just looking for a story, something to pass the time. So as can be imagined, I don’t turn to something cryptic like Psalms, or the longwinded soap-opera in Esther, or the oh-so-aphorismic Proverbs, or the tad too sanctimonious Gospels. No, my storybook predilections are satisfied elsewhere. My favorite: Genesis and the Creation Story.

I know in keeping with political correctness, it’s often wise to tip-toe through word-choice when talking about the Bible. Some may take offence by my referring to early Genesis as a ‘Story’—it has a somewhat fictional connation. But words are so limiting. I’m not intimating that the events that occurred during the Creation Story are apocryphal–but they do contain a haze of storybook technique that can make it, how can I say, open to interpretation. Where do we draw the line between allegory and the literal?

The Creation Story is full of symbols, contrasts, poetry … antistrophe. Where some items are taken at face value, others are taken to be more than what they seem. The serpent beguiling Eve is almost always interpreted as more than just a reptile, but a symbol for the Devil. Some say the “days” referred to in the intervals of creation are actually the equivalent of 1000 of our years. The nakedness of man, as the purity of existence–a time without sin.

And If we do contend that the story is an allegory, and that the serpent’s curse of being forced to slither without feet is the Devil’s expatriation to hell, and that this speaks of that, and that speaks of this, couldn’t it also be considered that none of it should be taken literally? Man is not really man, the garden is not really a garden. That the forming of heaven and earth out of the void are all in fact symbols to something else. Are we even allowed to venture forth and explore our own interpretation?

The thing with symbolism and allegory, is that: you may be adamant, but you can never be certain. The Wizard of Oz may fall neatly as an allegory of the Guided Age, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, even if Garland insists–once written–I think it’s beyond the author’s purview to confirm or deny one’s interpretation.

Story for some; history for others–take it for all in all.

You know that daily commute home? The one you’ve taken every day for many years, where you have every detail memorized, every pot hole, every street light, to the point where you really don’t need to pay attention anymore, you kind of just make it home without thinking too much. Well, today for the first time in years, I started to think about a particular street sign. It’s one that I’ve must of crossed maybe a thousand times and I’ve become so used to this sign that I apply the same predicable reactions in resonse; I slow down, turn my head from left to right, over and over, and examine the sidewalks till I get to the end of the road.

No, the sign isn’t a silhouette of a deer or a moose, or of a man on a horse (which I ran into once near Charleston). In fact, those probably wouldn’t apply on a street with a sidewalk. It’s a simple sign with the words “Deaf Child” on it.

What struck me as odd for the first time was that I have seen this sign on this road all my life–well at least since my family first moved to East Providence 14 years ago. So if it was there at LEAST 14 years ago, God knows how far it really goes back. 20 years? 25 years? In all probability this “child” the sign refers to is probably not really a child anymore, and in fact, he probably doesn’t even live on the same street anymore. Do they ever retire these signs? And how does a sign like this go up in the first place?

Talk about minutiae …

It is a historic moment in Rhode Island.

Never again, upon entering a restaurant, will you hear the question “Smoking or Non-smoking?”. I have always found it particularly disgusting that someone would want to eat while smoking. But hey, that’s their prerogative– or was.

I am very excited about this new law which makes it illegal to smoke in public places. I remember times going to a local place in East Providence called Red Bridge Tavern, and having to leave my jacket or sweater in the car, bracing the weather, and enter into the establishment wearing only the bare-minimum. If I didn’t do this, when I left that place at night, my clothes would be coated with that awful stench of cigarettes, which I can only get off my sweaters by dry cleaning. And I don’t wash sweaters and fleeces after every use, so wearing them out at smoke-deluged places would really put a wrench in my whole wardrobe cycle by having to take them temproarily out of commision.

There is a lot of oppistion to this new law, which has been expressed completly last minute, and mostly from small buissness’s under the notion that this law would criple their business. Ah, well, I’m happy.

Let’s break-out the Rorschach inkblot test for a moment.

When I think of Ebay.com, my first verbal knee-jerk reaction is “Damn, why didn’t I think of that”, in a tone of transparent jealousy, with maybe a dash of self-enmity.

When I think of that peer-to-peer late 2000 sensation, Napster, my reaction is similar, probably a little more pretentious: “This isn’t all that special. I can code this, give me a month.”

But, if you show me an insignia t-shirt of a professional sports team juxtaposed with a price-tag, or if you playback a 30-second clip of monkeys in suits, and then whisper over that this Superbowl commercial costs over 2.4 million to air on TV, I would probably drop my jaw for a few seconds, capitulating my haughty-air of feigned business acumen, and simply concede, “Wow… that’s a stroke of Genius”.

Alright, so this is the makeup of the football product:

1. A group of guys with enormous athletic talent.
2. The important claim that these guys “represent” the citizens of a particular region of the Country.
3. Then, let sit over time till the eventual engendering of an artificial solidarity by the community they represent.
4. Make money. If you’re a decent team, charge 80$ for a seat in your stadium. Start with this “till-jar” of ticket sales, and quickly advance to the more lucrative potential in million dollar TV ads, products, magazines, etc. Sky’s the Limit.

The Patriots have won their 3rd Superbowl in over 4 years, and now the whole of New England is in a state of accomplishment, as though they had some contribution to this victory. And, I am one of them. I was squirming on every New England fumble, jubilant for every McNabb sack, and sincerely joyful at how the game overall turned out, a Patriots Victory.

It’s easy to forget that the Patriots, and all professional teams, are: First, a business, and only Second, a sports team. And hey, if you can combine the two and be filthy rich in the process, Amen, it’s America.

I was watching Comedy Central Presents for like 5 hours yesterday (I have that kind of time). And it was all well worth it because Stephen Lynch came on singing those hilarious songs that a lot of you know like “hermaphrodite” and “Just a little bit Special”.

Ever since, I have been scouring the internet trying to find clips of these songs (I just can’t get them out of my head).

So far, I’ve found a video clip of “She Gotta Smile”. It’s very funny and definitely worth a look!

He has two albums out:
1. Little Bit Special
2. Superhero

It took me 3 hours yesterday to shovel the snow from our small little driveway, and an additional 30-min-or-so to clear the walkway that leads from the front door to the street. The walkway is as important since the mail has a tendency to never make it to your door when no path is available.

What a snow storm! According to the news, anyone born after 1978 has never–in their life–seen a snowstorm of such enormity.

Rhode Island is still in a “State of Emergency”. It may be just me, but the term “State of Emergency” has always seemed to me a little too dramatic when it’s called upon by something like a snow storm. Although, I won’t deny, snow can be very disabling, and roads can be very slippery, but the snow is still just sitting there. It’s not holding the governor and general assembly hostage (well, for the general assembly it may behoove us to look the other way); it’s not a giant lizard terrorizing providence, belching high piercing moans as dispatched tanks and armored apache helicopters unload futile rounds on an attempt to slow it down; it’s not the hour before an asteroid the size of Brazil, is supposed to directly collide into Kennedy Plaza. What state would we be in then? A “State of Emergency”–does it really hold the same doom-and-gloom connotation in these more dire situations, since we already used it up for the blizzard of 2005?

But, I digress.

Either way, today is a State of Emergency. I have no work. I am probably going to re-watch my season 3 DVDs of Seinfeld, followed by maybe some Madden 2004 on my Xbox. Then maybe I’ll go outside and point and laugh at my neighbors who were lazy and waited till today to shovel their driveway—snow the day after is always twice as hard to shovel, com’on people. And then finally, to fool myself into feeling productive, I will write a post on my website. 😉

Done and Done

Russell Peters is one of the funniest comedians I know of, and he’s Indian too– who would of thought? Anyway, my friend had sent me this great 45 minute clip of Peters doing his bit, and I promise you, it is the funniest thing you will see all day.

So park yourself down for 45 minutes and watch this clip; I guarantee you’ll love it!

Russel Peters Clip
(oh by the way, it’s a .ram file, meaning you need RealPlayer to view it)