First a business. Second a Team

Let’s break-out the Rorschach inkblot test for a moment.

When I think of Ebay.com, my first verbal knee-jerk reaction is “Damn, why didn’t I think of that”, in a tone of transparent jealousy, with maybe a dash of self-enmity.

When I think of that peer-to-peer late 2000 sensation, Napster, my reaction is similar, probably a little more pretentious: “This isn’t all that special. I can code this, give me a month.”

But, if you show me an insignia t-shirt of a professional sports team juxtaposed with a price-tag, or if you playback a 30-second clip of monkeys in suits, and then whisper over that this Superbowl commercial costs over 2.4 million to air on TV, I would probably drop my jaw for a few seconds, capitulating my haughty-air of feigned business acumen, and simply concede, “Wow… that’s a stroke of Genius”.

Alright, so this is the makeup of the football product:

1. A group of guys with enormous athletic talent.
2. The important claim that these guys “represent” the citizens of a particular region of the Country.
3. Then, let sit over time till the eventual engendering of an artificial solidarity by the community they represent.
4. Make money. If you’re a decent team, charge 80$ for a seat in your stadium. Start with this “till-jar” of ticket sales, and quickly advance to the more lucrative potential in million dollar TV ads, products, magazines, etc. Sky’s the Limit.

The Patriots have won their 3rd Superbowl in over 4 years, and now the whole of New England is in a state of accomplishment, as though they had some contribution to this victory. And, I am one of them. I was squirming on every New England fumble, jubilant for every McNabb sack, and sincerely joyful at how the game overall turned out, a Patriots Victory.

It’s easy to forget that the Patriots, and all professional teams, are: First, a business, and only Second, a sports team. And hey, if you can combine the two and be filthy rich in the process, Amen, it’s America.

Death by Syndication

So, if you’re looking for a website that is seldom updated, brutally turquoise, with an ungainly appearance, and run by the world’s laziest Sri Lankan, Welcome!

I try to stay on top of things, do my homework, read my book, put a post or two on my website, but I just can’t do it as long as Seinfeld reruns are being aired 4 times a day on TV. I’m hoping when they finally release all 9 Seasons of it on DVD, I won’t feel as compelled to watch them, and thereby, get my life back.

The thing is, there are 2 episodes of Seinfeld I still haven’t seen. And It’s this desperate hope, that one day these two episodes will re-air on TV is what keeps me watching. They have become my white whale.

Sad isn’t it?

The Stall:

While in a bathroom stall, Elaine needs some toilet paper, but the woman in the next stall refuses to give her a piece. The woman is Jerry’s girlfriend whose voice Kramer recognizes from a telephone sex line. Elaine’s boyfriend, whose face she just loves, takes George & Kramer rock climbing. After his accident, Elaine isn’t sure his face will be the same.

The Chaperone:

Jerry gets a date with Miss Rhode Island, a Miss America contestant; when they need a chaperone Kramer is available. On the date, Kramer gives her advice and becomes her personal coach. Elaine tries to get a job at Doubleday, filling in the shoes once filled by Jackie Onassis; instead she gets a job being the personal assistant of a top executive who likes white socks. Meanwhile, George decides that the Yankees need to change their uniforms from polyester to cotton.

Stephen Lynch

I was watching Comedy Central Presents for like 5 hours yesterday (I have that kind of time). And it was all well worth it because Stephen Lynch came on singing those hilarious songs that a lot of you know like “hermaphrodite” and “Just a little bit Special”.

Ever since, I have been scouring the internet trying to find clips of these songs (I just can’t get them out of my head).

So far, I’ve found a video clip of “She Gotta Smile”. It’s very funny and definitely worth a look!

He has two albums out:
1. Little Bit Special
2. Superhero

Blizzard of 2005

It took me 3 hours yesterday to shovel the snow from our small little driveway, and an additional 30-min-or-so to clear the walkway that leads from the front door to the street. The walkway is as important since the mail has a tendency to never make it to your door when no path is available.

What a snow storm! According to the news, anyone born after 1978 has never–in their life–seen a snowstorm of such enormity.

Rhode Island is still in a “State of Emergency”. It may be just me, but the term “State of Emergency” has always seemed to me a little too dramatic when it’s called upon by something like a snow storm. Although, I won’t deny, snow can be very disabling, and roads can be very slippery, but the snow is still just sitting there. It’s not holding the governor and general assembly hostage (well, for the general assembly it may behoove us to look the other way); it’s not a giant lizard terrorizing providence, belching high piercing moans as dispatched tanks and armored apache helicopters unload futile rounds on an attempt to slow it down; it’s not the hour before an asteroid the size of Brazil, is supposed to directly collide into Kennedy Plaza. What state would we be in then? A “State of Emergency”–does it really hold the same doom-and-gloom connotation in these more dire situations, since we already used it up for the blizzard of 2005?

But, I digress.

Either way, today is a State of Emergency. I have no work. I am probably going to re-watch my season 3 DVDs of Seinfeld, followed by maybe some Madden 2004 on my Xbox. Then maybe I’ll go outside and point and laugh at my neighbors who were lazy and waited till today to shovel their driveway—snow the day after is always twice as hard to shovel, com’on people. And then finally, to fool myself into feeling productive, I will write a post on my website. 😉

Done and Done

Russell Peters

Russell Peters is one of the funniest comedians I know of, and he’s Indian too– who would of thought? Anyway, my friend had sent me this great 45 minute clip of Peters doing his bit, and I promise you, it is the funniest thing you will see all day.

So park yourself down for 45 minutes and watch this clip; I guarantee you’ll love it!

Russel Peters Clip
(oh by the way, it’s a .ram file, meaning you need RealPlayer to view it)

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Imagine a justice system where every time a crime is committed, you had to gather your things, put your jacket on, drive over to the local police station, and prove your innocence. Sounds like one of those apocalyptical fictional stories found only in Hollywood, or in Orwell novels. In fact, we pride ourselves as models of justice with our hackneyed dictums like �innocent until proven guilty� or �guilty beyond a reasonable doubt�, and of course our enforcement of those inalienable rights that require warrants, and sound reasonable cause before any indictments. But are there exceptions ? If the evidence for a crime was not as forthcoming, and the resulting set of possible suspects included the entire population of a town, or a state, or the entire country, are we still following these creeds? The notion of �innocent until proven guilty� just may be a little to idealistic to be practically applicable.

This question has come up in light of the DNA sweep that is being performed in a town in Cape Cod Massachusetts. In an effort to identity the suspect responsible for the murder of Christa Worthington–an investigation that has been ongoing for 3 years now, investigators have asked all 790 male denizens of the town of Truro, to provide samples of their DNA so that it may be compared with–what forensics believes– is the DNA sample of the suspect. In essence, they�re asking the entire male population of this town to �prove� their innocence�provide a DNA sample to be removed from the list.

fair? Ummm… no.

Here�s the news story if you want to read more.

Bush’s Nominees

You got to give it to him. Dubya has a knack for appointing high-ranking officials. Now that most of the cast involved in Act I of the Bush Administration have pushed and shoved their way in line, handing over papers of resignation, Bush is trying to reshuffle the cards and in the process– spilling the deck all over the table.

First blooper, a replacement for Sec. Tom Ridge of Homeland Security with Bernard Kerik, the former NYC Police commissioner. And of course, turns out this guy has a messy criminal record with indictments of conspiracy, an FBI probe for alleged fraud, and various acts of infidelity not quite the unadulterated record we’re looking for in such a high appointment. Needless to say, Kerik has withdrawn from the nomination.

Second blooper, the replacement of Attorney General John Ashcroft; you may remember him from such works as “The Patriot Act” and “Liar Liar”. And for this replacement, the Bush administration nominates Alberto Gonzales, a former White House council that has been intimately tied to prisoner abuse scandals in Abu Garib. Another Swing and a miss.

Well, so far he’s 0-2. My question is: how much longer till a Supreme Court Justice appointment?

Election Recounts

Let the recounts begin!

Although recounting the votes will never change the results of the past presidential election, certification of the election results is absolutely necessary. It may seem fitting for the sore loser to wallow over the final score, fret over the bad call, ostracize the interfering fan, and churn up a deluge of “what if’s” and “should of’s”, and although the timing of the situation may seem to be in favor of this assessment, I don’t feel this is the motivating factor behind these recounts. Even if things miraculously turn up different during this recount, if we find that John Kerry may have actually won Ohio, there is no way an ostensibly disinterested and republican-owned congress would certify any one less than George Bush as President; and I think many wrongly consider the re-counts as a ray of hope in such an abdication. John Kerry formally stated that he was not participating in the recount, not to be misunderstood as deprecation, but done primarily to discredit this misinterpretation that democrats have called for this action as a last ditch efforts to usurp Dubya.

The acutal goal of the recount is to bring to light a clear problem in our election process, particularly with the shortage of voting machines and of miscounted absentee ballots, both happening to appear in Ohio, a critical state in this election. I think the goal is that in going forward, for future elections, if these issues in our election process are not addressed now, we may run into the dire predicament where the wrong candidate comes out winning the election. Take election 2000 (Gore/Bush) for example (I’m not bitter–okay, maybe a little).

Stern No More

Seeing that I am knee-deep in winter vacation, rare are the mornings that I’m up early enough to listen to one of my favorite morning radio programs, Howard Stern. But those days are now behind me, but not by choice. Citadel Broadcasting, the media conglomerate that owns the RI stations that air Howard Stern (106.3,102.7,103.7) have pulled the plug on Howard’s 4 hour morning show.

As sad as it is, there is some sense in this decision. Howard certainly does plug his scheduled move to Sirrus Satellite radio quite frequently, and if these radio listeners start purchasing satellite radios, they would probally never listen to regular radio ever again. Also, the timing is right, if we in providence don’t hear Stern, we may eventually forget about the show and forget about his move to satellite radio, and may just continue to live life as before, somewhat-satisfied with our AM-FM receivers–and continue to daze through the bromide of overplayed and tired commercials indicative of damn terrestrial radios. It is the right move for Citadel, but it is still a sad thing for Howard Stern fans.

This is just one of those instances where the decision of a company runs contrary to the wishes of their consumers.

Flirting with the Yellow Line

Guest Blogist: Joyce Satgunam

For the past week I have experienced the fast-paced life of NYC. Financial consultants, brokers, lawyers, and other city workers rush to the subway to make it to work on time. I have an idea….why don’t they leave their apartments 10 minutes earlier? Just a thought.

They all arrive at the subway station and if they’re lucky wait for the subway to arrive. If you’ve taken the subway, you know about the 2-foot wide yellow line bordering the waiting area. The purpose of this line is to warn people to keep their distance from a moving train. Why when there is so much room to wait for the subway do people feel the need to stand in this caution area? Do they have some need to flirt with danger because of the high stress in their life?

Today I was taking the subway and noticed several people flirting with the yellow line. Some looked as if they were doing the hokey-pokey with one foot in the area and one foot out. Others would walk along the yellow line as if it were a pier and the surrounding area the deep, blue ocean while others would waver between being completely on the line and in the regular waiting area. There was even one guy I saw who walked up to the very edge of the yellow line and peered over into the tracks. It seemed that a simple startle would have made him fall into the track pit.

What the significance of all this is, I don’t have a clue, but something tells me that some people get some kind of satisfaction by flirting with the yellow line.